Week 9: Family Secret

Family Secret

Family secrets are usually not really secrets, just facts that are not opening talked about in an attempt to keep them hidden. 

Early on in my genealogy research, I found the Ontario marriage record of my great-grandparents Thomas Edward Bates and Elsie Pearl Mumberson.   The marriage had taken place January 11, 1905.  I was surprised as I grew up knowing that their daughter, my grandmother, was born June 5, 1905.  Does not matter how you calculate it, that was not a nine month gap between wedding and first birth.   I was not upset by any means, just surprised that I had never heard any mention of it.  The family of another set of great-grandparents never hid the fact that the first born was less than nine months after the marriage.

When I asked my mother if she was aware that her grandmother was pregnant at the time of marriage, she said that she was not aware of it.  She proceeded to say that that may explain whispers and comments she had overheard over the years.  Mom then told me a family secret that her grandmother Pearl had told her.   Mom had been surprised and a bit upset that she had not been told the truth by parties involved, and only told by a gossipy grandmother who lived for drama at the expense of others.  My parents had grown up in the same small farming community.  When Mom told my father about the family secret, she was taken aback with his comment.  According to my father, it had not been a well kept secret at the time and many people in the area was aware of the details.

Even though facts are not totally secret, Mom made me promise to not modify my genealogy records to reflect the truth.  She asked me to leave my records to reflect what has been used by family for decades.

I agreed to her request.  Over the years as certain family members have died, I would ask Mom for permission to put the truth in my records and she continued to say no.  So I have not changed my records.

A few years ago, I was talking family history with the only female cousin on my mother’s side.  Apparently the aunt we have in common (Mom’s sister), had told her the same family secret.  She was not aware of who had told our aunt the secret – I suspect the same grandmother that informed my mother.

My mother has just recently died, so in one regard I am now free of my obligation to keep the family secret.  I have already decided to wait until such time that records are released to the public revealing the truth, so I will let the secret remain.  The only records currently available reflect what the public has been led to believe by family.  So it will be interesting to see how events were reported to the government.  But it is also possible that the parties involved lied to the government.  Would not be the first time that people have done that.

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