Week 10: Siblings

 SIBLINGS

My interest in genealogy stems from the closeness I witnessed all my life of my father and his siblings.  As I got older, I realized that that closeness would have been a result of the closeness their father had with his siblings.

My grandfather, Henry "Harry" Woodland Allen (born June 27, 1897) was the youngest of 12 children of William Daisley Allen and Mary Jane Woodland.  On the occasion of their 60th wedding anniversary, the large extended families of William and Mary Jane gathered to celebrate the milestone at a local public park. 

I do not know if that was the start of the family reunion or not, but the children of that couple established an annual Allen Family Reunion, held at a Provincial Park near Barrie Ontario.  These reunions have fizzled out, but I do remember attending some during my childhood in the 1960s.  The reunions were scheduled for the last Saturday in August.  We travelled from Kingston to Brentwood every holiday weekend, so we only attended the reunion if it took place on the Labour Day weekend.  One year we won the prize for travelling the greatest distance (about a four hour drive), but that prize was usually won by a family member who travelled back from the west.

I am sure that the closeness of my grandfather's siblings instilled the desire of my grandmother to establish a similar tradition among her 10 children.  As their mother was failing in health in the 1980s, my aunts promised her that they would continue the family get togethers.  And they did as long as they physically could.  Instead of one big annual event, there were multiple get togethers throughout the year.

 

 As previously mentioned, we travelled from Kingston to Brentwood every holiday weekend.  Both of my parents were from the same small community.  We would stay with my mother's parents, but went to my paternal grandparents for dinner each night and my father's siblings would come during the evenings to visit.  Most lived in the general area, but a couple of the siblings travelled from Toronto.  After my grandmother's death and my grandfather moved into a nursing home, we no longer travelled every holiday weekend.  

 However, because of the promise my aunts made to their mother, the local community hall (the former school house) was rented for Easter and Christmas.  My father and some of his brothers would bring their father from the nursing home for the get together.  And one of my aunts hosted a Winter-rama and Summer BBQ at her house.  So the family reunions had dwindled down to "only" four a year.   

My father passed away in 1990, but his surviving siblings always included my mother when photos were taken of the siblings at family events.  They were also very supportive of my mother as she grieved the death of her husband.

When The Aunts were unable to continue to organize the events, some of the cousins (including myself) tried to uphold the tradition.  Unfortunately, we were spread further apart geographically and it became too difficult to organize from a distance.  Some of my cousins have established their own family holiday get togethers with their siblings and children.  So family tradition does live on with siblings coming together to maintain family ties.

In addition to the multiple family reunions throughout the year, the closeness of siblings has always been reflective at the times of weddings and funerals. 

It became a tradition when my cousins started getting married that the aunts & uncles (siblings of the parents of groom/bride) were invited to the reception with the cousins only being invited to the dance following the dinner.  There were some exceptions, depending on financial situations - but it was "normal practice" for the siblings of the parents to be invited to celebrate the happy occasion.

At the time of funerals, which are never planned, many family members would drop everything and travel to attend the funeral of the loved one.  So the funeral turns into a family reunion.  During my childhood, I often travelled with my parents to attend a funeral of a sibling of my grandfather.  As an adult, I traveled back to the Barrie area to attend the funeral of the siblings, and spouses, of both my father and mother.  

The closeness of the Allen siblings and how it instilled a strong sense of family really hit home for me during the past 2.5 years.  My older brother died unexpectedly in June 2022 in Kingston.  One of our last surviving aunts (at almost age 90) travelled the 4 hours from Barrie to support her sister-in-law.  And the turn out of our cousins was overwhelming.  My mother died two weeks ago, less than 2 months after her 95th birthday.  There had been back to back snow storms at the time and more in the forecast, so we were unsure how many, if any, family members would be able to attend.  I was overwhelmed with the number of cousins who did risk the weather to travel 2 to 4 hours for the funeral.   And ones that were unable to travel, phoned to give their condolences.  They may be my cousins, but I believe the sibling ties among our parents instilled the strong sense of family.  This family tie has continued to the next generation as well.  The son of one of the cousins unable to attend travelled from Toronto for the funeral of a great-aunt whom he would not have seen for several decades.

I only have two brothers and we have always been close, even though there is an 11 year gap between my brothers.  The same sense of closeness I have witnessed with my father and his 9 siblings. There was similar closeness between my mother and her 2 siblings. Growing up, I thought that was normal.  But as I got older and talking with friends and coworkers, I discovered that my family dynamics is somewhat rare.  Siblings are not always close to one another and I feel sorry for those people.